what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
