I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
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I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
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woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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