Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
