Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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