I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
