I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
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