The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
