I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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