Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
