My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Randomize
