Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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