please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
