Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So squirting runs in the family.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
