My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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