She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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