Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
