Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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