i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
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eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
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I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
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