when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
