wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
