i just google imaged poop.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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