Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
