Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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