I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
