During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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