talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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