you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
