somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
