I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
