Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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