Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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