I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
