It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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