is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
