I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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