Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
