Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
