1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
