I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Dick very happy bro
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize