Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
