Texts From Last Night

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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me

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  (203): trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me http://tfl.nu/u42j
  Replies (20) Good night (2445) Bad night (3900)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.

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  (319): How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules. http://tfl.nu/ttz2
  Replies (26) Good night (8113) Bad night (1458)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.

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  (407): I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit. http://tfl.nu/vrom
  Replies (13) Good night (1280) Bad night (2647)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out

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  (914): I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out http://tfl.nu/ow35
  Replies (11) Good night (1373) Bad night (2485)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?

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  (919): Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill? http://tfl.nu/kp4x
  Replies (7) Good night (2159) Bad night (954)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable

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  (612): Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable http://tfl.nu/0g8x
  Replies (3) Good night (1780) Bad night (753)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?

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  (862): I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you? http://tfl.nu/xnnk
  Replies (16) Good night (2452) Bad night (873)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.

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  (503): If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit. http://tfl.nu/71x6
  Replies (11) Good night (2204) Bad night (722)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"

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  (801): Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night" http://tfl.nu/sbyz
  Replies (7) Good night (1824) Bad night (586)
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  (925): View more from California

  We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts

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  (925): We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts http://tfl.nu/eq30
  Replies (7) Good night (1748) Bad night (496)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.

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  (715): After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted. http://tfl.nu/w4vl
  Replies (5) Good night (563) Bad night (1150)
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  (408): View more from California

  Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.

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  (408): Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you. http://tfl.nu/5sdb
  Replies (7) Good night (454) Bad night (1028)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...

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  (360): we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us... http://tfl.nu/7rab
  Replies (0) Good night (603) Bad night (237)
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  (779): View more from Illinois

  Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now

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  (779): Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now http://tfl.nu/zs7j
  Replies (1) Good night (306) Bad night (515)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.

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  (+61): I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress. http://tfl.nu/d4j1
  Replies (4) Good night (308) Bad night (464)

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