so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
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