Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(831): View more from California

Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?

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(831): Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21? http://tfl.nu/gpnq

Replies (37) Good night (6866) Bad night (1383)
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(407): View more from Florida

I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.

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(407): I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care. http://tfl.nu/n9k1

Replies (14) Good night (4869) Bad night (763)
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(951): View more from California

So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.

(909): View more from California

dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?

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(951): So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito. (909): dude... how have they not drug tested you yet? http://tfl.nu/fx38

Replies (43) Good night (7147) Bad night (1175)
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(858): View more from California

Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.

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(858): Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel. http://tfl.nu/fcxh

Replies (21) Good night (4783) Bad night (1161)
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(917): View more from New York City

I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying

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(917): I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying http://tfl.nu/unbu

Replies (12) Good night (1082) Bad night (6299)
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(760): View more from California

The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.

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(760): The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too. http://tfl.nu/fqh3

Replies (3) Good night (3558) Bad night (1184)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.

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(610): The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary. http://tfl.nu/0qxf

Replies (19) Good night (3031) Bad night (6012)
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(646): View more from New York

just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.

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(646): just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice. http://tfl.nu/48r0

Replies (4) Good night (3538) Bad night (926)
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(360): View more from Washington

if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked

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(360): if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked http://tfl.nu/kcmn

Replies (24) Good night (5363) Bad night (2163)
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(605): View more from South Dakota

You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."

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(605): You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times." http://tfl.nu/zubu

Replies (6) Good night (2644) Bad night (812)
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(619): View more from California

Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.

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(619): Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll. http://tfl.nu/87wg

Replies (4) Good night (978) Bad night (1147)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.

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(978): there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point. http://tfl.nu/h06c

Replies (4) Good night (727) Bad night (1320)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."

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(610): You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would." http://tfl.nu/q6wg

Replies (0) Good night (840) Bad night (406)
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(303): View more from Colorado

There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.

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(303): There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade. http://tfl.nu/4krw

Replies (1) Good night (637) Bad night (558)
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(563): View more from Iowa

I almost tased myself

(1-563): View more from Iowa

I dont think you should own that device.

(563): View more from Iowa

It's an awesome device. I love this device.

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(563): I almost tased myself (1-563): I dont think you should own that device. (563): It's an awesome device. I love this device. http://tfl.nu/0r8c

Replies (1) Good night (704) Bad night (396)

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