Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during

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(216): View more from Ohio

wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?

(330): View more from Ohio

yes... and buy you lunch

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(253): View more from Washington

Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.

(1-253): View more from Washington

What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited

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You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
Read it at the TFLN blog
(858): View more from California

Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"

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(504): View more from Louisiana

Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.

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(406): View more from Montana

I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies

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(407): View more from Florida

If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.

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