Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
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So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
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There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.