Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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