i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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