So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.