I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
