go do what you do best...puke behind churches
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
