At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
