I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
