Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
