So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Panties = found
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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