Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
