Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
