definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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