one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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