the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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