also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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