Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
