sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
