Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
