At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
