i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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