I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
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He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
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MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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