Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
