i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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