cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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