All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
