Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
