the new term for farting is butt boxing.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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