Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
